Pandamonium!! (my chaotic life)
chaos incarnate. but, damn is it interesting!Steady as she goes
Raj started blogging again. I’m so glad he did so way after I left the picture. I’m not sure I’d want to know what he would say about me. I would have wanted to know until recently, but I’m sure I no longer do.
Unless it were, “fuck, I screwed that up!” But I somehow doubt it would be.
I got the job with Cherry’s company. It pays well, and I learn fast so they like me. I have to get up at 4:30 or 5 to catch a ride in with my step dad, who works 4 blocks away from the location I’m at. It’ll be nice once I’m in town and can sleep in til 6:30 >.>
And of course, I spent all weekend messing up my scedule visiting Nick, and then I stayed up til 2 with Nathen hitting level 50 on our Druid and Pally combo. So now he can turn into a tree!
Nathen and I made ourselves a convenience guild called <Too Pretty To Die>, which has awesome hillarity due to the fact that, a) it’s a firefly quote, b) we’re both playing female characters, and c) we die so rarely that it’s appropriate :)
Nick and I watched a bunch of movies this weekend. So many that I can’t really remember all of them, haha. He tends to have a lot of movies I’ve always wanted to see but didn’t get around to, like Idiocracy and Harold and Kumar (the latter of which I had no intention of seeing for a long time, but then I heard it was actually good). I often find I appreciate boring, lazy weekends the most :)
You know, it’s hillarious how I’m doing three things I thought I wouldn’t do again. I’m dating a boy, moving back to Calgary, and working in an office…ah life, full of surprises as always.
o.O
Sometimes, for no reason, I just get un-tired.
All of a sudden, I go from sleepy to wide awake.
I’m not sure if I’m annoyed by it this morning…I’m hoping for a call back from a place that thinks it wants to employ me, so this will probably be an all-nighter. However, I did nap from 5-9 or so yesterday evening, so it may not be too bad.
I think Nick has been staying late at work this week so that he and I could have the weekend together, which makes me smile. I certainly didn’t ask for it, and I bet he wouldn’t even admit it if I brought it up. It seems like he does sweet things and then pretends that the weren’t sweet–they were functional. I think it’s a really cute way to express chivalry…almost like a secret, or a whisper.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to seeing him. I miss him–though I don’t tell him because I don’t want to scare him >.>
On Saturday, Nathen and I are going to the matinee of Miss Saigon, which Norm is in. I’m looking forward to that, too :)
327
I’m moving back to Calgary.
Starbucks fired me for a plethora of stupid reasons. I’m pissed off because I’m a hell of a good barista. But, at the end of the day, it barely paid me enough to live on, so I guess this is long overdue. Maybe once I find a decently paying job I’ll reapply for part time or something…
Cherry (a friend from high school, I’m sure I’ve mentioned her before, but not recently) and I found a good apartment to share. It’s not big, but it’s a decent size. Two bedrooms, shall be newly renovated. Sounds like it’ll be good. Plus it’s easier to get around Calgary than Okotoks.
And Savannah (one of my (now former) co workers) needs a new home for her spiny mouse because she has no time. So, independence + pet = squee!
Not too fond of Calgary still…but what can you do. And since Nick’s there, I might as well stick around until something moves in one direction or another.
I have another Warcraft buddy from the area, too. Nathen and I are making one ridiculously kickass team–he has an 80 paladin and I an 80 priest, and then I have a ~30 paladin and he a ~30 druid healer. So basically, we can get an instance whenever we damn well feel like it. It’s great!
He and Norm and I all played together until Nathen and I got caught up in other alts and whatnot. I’m waiting for Norm to catch up to my 66 shaman so we can blow shit up together.
…Yes, my world has been a very small, obsessive place since I was fired. <3's WARCRAFT!
paranoia…
I can’t Google Nick.
He’s also not on Facebook.
There is absolutely no way I can think of for me to spy on him…
I guess after Jay, I have trust issues. By which I mean, I accept that trusting people without being given a reason to is stupid.
As a result, I feel a bit uncomfortable, knowing basically nothing about this boy. And I’m torn, because on the one hand, I think, “Give him the benefit of the doubt.”, but on the other hand, I think that’s just asking for trouble.
I guess, really, what’s the worst that can happen? It can only be so bad, right? Jay was pretty much the worst it could be. I guess I should really stop wondering if every boy I date is going to turn out to be another situation like that.
I might as well just trust him. Maybe life could be better if I did.
2009
2009: In The Beginning
Where did you go on New Years?:
Raj’s parents’ house. I made a right fool of myself…haha
Who were you with?:
Raj’s whole family, actually.
Did you kiss anyone on New Years?:
I don’t think I did. He was against PDAs around his family.
Did you make any resolutions?:
Not that I recall.
2009: All about YOU
It’s funny how I’m always getting boyfriends out of nowhere…
Well, I slept with Nick.
I got stranded in the city last night because my step dad bought some huge sound system and it took my seat, and Norman and I were supposed to go out but he’d had a crappy day and didn’t feel up to it. Thus, I begged a spot on Nick’s floor for the night.
However, since he’s been such a gentleman all this time, I’m sure it’s no surprise to anyone that he insisted I take his bed, and slept on the floor himself (he has a tiny apartment and no furniture to speak of). Straightforward enough. But he seemed uncomfortable and I hadn’t been on board for taking his bed in the first place, so, knowing that there was crazy sexual tension between us and that put the chance of something happening quite high, I said that if he didn’t think it would be too awkward, we could probably both fit on the bed.
And, we fell asleep. There was minor snuggling, but nothing else until morning, when he kissed me.
I saw it coming a mile away, but despite all my former resolve, I just went, “fuck it” and kissed him back.
I’m not sure if this means we’re dating. I kinda figure it must, because anyone with half a brain and enough time to think would realize that you can’t have a one night stand with someone you’re friends with. There’s been an eternity to think, and presumably he feels the same way about my friendship as I do about his. He’s the guy I can be super geeky with, and I’m the girl he can be super geeky with.
There’s the nagging thought that I may have blown it, but maybe this’ll just be amazing.
Ex-Friends til the End
I figured out the other day why I’m never friends with my exes.
I don’t tell them how I really feel about their character flaws because I’m trying to be polite, for a while. After a little while, I might try to tell them in such a way that it doesn’t hurt them, even though that usually fails–either I’m not taken seriously, or I’m taken too seriously. But when the relationship begins to dissolve, I let loose, because I don’t have anything left to preserve.
I don’t know where I got this propensity…
I imagine it was from Abby. She had always been arrogant, and when that combines with the fact that I need to be an absolute bitch for anyone to take me seriously, things come out harsh.
I know I have serious character flaws. For instance, the inability to express things that bother me in an appropriate manner. But I guess, at the end of the day, I like to be told when I’m doing it because then I can try to rectify it. I like to be told in a polite manner, of course…which is hypocritical of me, considering my issue in the first place…but I like to think I actually respond appropriately to constructive criticism.
I wish I could find someone who took my polite manner as it’s intended–polite and constructive and dead serious, all at the same time.
Maybe someday I will.
I’ve said some harsh things to Taz over the last few days. I can even recognize how I rationalized it–sometimes you don’t fully accept your problems until you’re slapped with them. I don’t expect it to make any difference in the short term…but maybe someday, it’ll sink right in, and she’ll know she deserves better, or that she needs to pay attention to people other than herself and Ryan.
And once I say harsh things, as long as I know they’ve been fully heard, I find closure and I can leave it alone, for the most part. It doesn’t matter if the person I’m telling it to believes it–only that I’ve sown a seed. I’ve given evidence, and told them what such evidence points to, and if it’s heard, it will be understood, and someday, maybe even accepted.
I told Raj he would be a terrible father based on the way he treated me. I still believe that, and if he gets so far as to have any children, someday they’ll be rebellious teenagers and he’ll clock one of them, and he’ll think back to what I said and realize I was right.
And maybe at that point, he will change.
Bang the Doldrums – Fall Out Boy
/cheer!
I think not dating boys is the best decision I’ve ever made, if only because now I can get to know them as friends rather than just as someone who wants in my pants.
Sure, some of them still want in my pants, but the ones who’s main goal is that, generally get impatient and fade away.
Norman (an awesome gay boy I work with) said we should pick a day to go to the gay bar, and I’m really looking forward to it.
Fact of the matter, is girls are hard to find online. I’m kind of reticient, since the fact that I haven’t found them online may mean we have little in common, since I live on my computer, but it’s not like i’m looking for my soulmate here, after all. I just want to date girls! And, traditionally, girls are hard to find online. So, gay bar!
He’s the only person at work I told about Taz–initially, because he had suggested going to gay bars and I had figured that he had picked up on my not-quite-straightness (the whole world has better gaydar than I do, it’s really inconvenient).
Anyway, I’m really looking forward to it. I think it’ll be fun :)
I can see you happy in the shadows I despise…
Taz’s boyfriend thing reactivated his OKC profile against her express wishes.
Apparently he intends to disable it again once it lets him…but the fact that he reactivated in the first place doesn’t really seem like a good sign.
She’s apparently told him that she doesn’t want him to be with anyone else. She’s not making him break up with his cross-country girlfriend, but she doesn’t want him to find new people to date.
Which is all completely fair, if you ask me. I’ve always been kind of all-or-nothing. You either want to be with me, or ya don’t, would be my stance in this kind of situation.
I mean, c’mon. Doesn’t she deserve not to have to deal with this shit? She has enough already.
Bah.
I can’t see why she deals with it.
Like…I can see, since she loves him and all…but I can’t justify. Shouldn’t there have been a spark of realization by now?
Shouldn’t she have gotten fed up?!
I can only hope she does. Or that he breaks up with her so that she can find someone who’s better for her.
In other news, Nick and I have half-baked plans of driving all around the US and Canada for fun.
And, I am le tired. G’night!
Hardwire – Metric
