Pandamonium!! (my chaotic life)
open letter to jay
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there is no limit to the damage I can do you.
Tread lightly. do NOT piss me off again, or I will show you.
and do NOT hurt Alicia again. You know she deserves better than what
you’re putting her through.
She needs you as a friend. Fine. She’ll get it, or you’ll get yours.
-Abigale.
oh man…
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so…Abby just finished reaming Hugh Sung out something fierce.
She, being in love with Matt, is sick of him hitting on us.
Alicia, being still very smitten with him, needs him to stay our friend.
So Abby said, “These are the reprocussions of you being a lying, cheating bastard.” and he was like, “Fine, I’ll suffer, just like I always do Q.Q”
She responded with the following:
me: you got off fucking easy, you turd.
you could be hated by /so/ many people by now
we all forgave you
your sons are none the wiser.
11:52 you poor, lucky son of a bitch
OHMIGOD, your wife still loves you!
she forgave you!
you poor, poor thing!
:’(
OH STOP THE SORROW!! :’(
11:53 I’m so sad because you have it SO FUCKING ROUGH
QQ more, noob.
11:54 Why dont’ you try living MY life.
THEN you’ll have a reason to cry about how rough you have it.
People don’t just form personalities because it’s fun, you know.
11:55 you’d better start fucking responding, or I’ll call you and ream you out /that/ way.
(she said the bit about our life being rough because of why we split in the first place, which was grade 12. I’ll let you in on that situation some other time)
so…yeah
O.O
…
this is why it’s a good idea to be nice to me. lol.
nobody said it was easy… no one said it would be so hard
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yeah, so…my brain is a special place to live.
Abby’s in love with Matt. Alicia’s DEFFINITELY still hung up on Hugh Sung. And…I think Monkey’s still got a thing for Shay.
SPECIAL XD
and, of course, Ruby’s in love with basically anyone who’s pretty. Which includes all three of them, plus the leading lady of the movie Shinobi.
In other news, I got Hugh Sung hooked on Warcrack :D
it’s awesome! now I know someone on my normal server!!
silly PvPers :P
And I’m hungry, so I’m going to bugger off and get pizza. XD
the scientist – coldplay
stolen from a friend
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Seventy Questions
1.Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Yes
2. What song describes your relationship status?
The Scientist by Coldplay.
3. How much does your dog weigh?
don’t have a dog…but my cat probably weighs about 6 pounds.
4. Are you a heart breaker, or the broken heart?
a little bit of both :D
5. Ever went skinny dipping?
no, unfortunately :P Ruby and Red would like to especially.
6. Earrings or necklaces?
neither
7. Who have you talked to most today?
Shay and Hugh Sung.
8. Did seven eat eight?
no…but seven ate your mom.
9. Friend of the opposite sex that lives closest to you?
lol, Shay. ‘cuz he lives across the alley.
10. Color of your shirt?
sweater’s blue, shirt is kind of a light sage colour.
11. How many years have you taken a language?
oh, I wish!
12. Who’s on speed dial 2?
no speed dial. But the person I call the second most is probably shay.
13. What colour is your background on your computer mainscreen?
black, with a picture of power lines and clouds in the middle.
14. Do you wish on 11:11?
um…no? but I used to look at the clock at funny times like that. Like…each time I looked at my clock.
15. Good advice if you ever go camping?
bring someone to cuddle with, ‘cuz it’s t3h cold! And lots of booze.
16. Are you a bad influence?
only when Red’s out :D
17. What colour are your eyes?
blue, but they change colour. grey and green are two of their favourites
18. Would you rather have your name or your siblings name?
I dunno…Jess has a better middle name (Faith), and Melissa has a better first name (Sarah), and I could go for either :D
Then again, I picked most of my names myself.
19. Would you do anything for someone?
Certain someones.
20. Have you ever been called a bitch?
only Abby. But that’s her job :)
21. Favorite colour?
Grey
22. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
yes, and varied.
23. What song is on?
Paper Cliche by Action Action
24. Are your grades good?
OH MY GOD, my life is hell EVERY time I go to school, or they would be.
25. Do you have any friends with benefits?
Um…sometimes? When I’m drunk?
not Matt, but Matt’s best friend’s girlfriend. And nobody minds ;)
26. Would you date anyone on your facebook friends list?
lol! Only really :D
shay, matt, Hugh Sung, and chelsea are all on my facebook.
27. Is your best friend on Facebook?
yep!
28. Who’s page did you last visit?
Jess’
29. Last time you went out to lunch?
last time I went out to /eat/ was…like, three times yesterday with various people. And that included lunch and Maccers fries.
30. Do you watch the Gilmore Girls?
Have. and it’s great.
31. Have you ever enjoyed listening to Jack Johnson?
no, he bothers me.
32. Have you ever seen or enjoyed watching the O.C.?
both, actually. That was one of the only english programs in China, so we got into it…lol.
Shay and I, because we play(ed) games, quoted it a lot ^_^
33. Do you have one or more Britney Spears C.Ds?
NO.
34. Which radio stations are your favorites?
Pandora.
35. Are you a Lost fanatic?
used to be…then Season 2 sucked, and I haven’t gotten back into it :P
36. still have pictures of your ex?
yep. All of them except Glynn.
37. Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library?
no, Ozzy bothers me too.
38. Alanis Morissette?
I <3 her, but I don’t have anything in my iTunes.
39. Do you watch Family Guy Regularly?
not really, but it’s awesome
40. King of the Hill?
ew.
41. Do you read trashy romance novels often?
nooo.
42. Do you ever forget to give a Christmas/birthday present?
lol, only all the time >.<
43. Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?
I wouldn’t say obnoxiously. And I wouldn’t say car. But I sing, and I like to :D
44. Do you sing obnoxiously in the shower when no one’s home?
I wouldn’t say obnoxiously. But yes.
45. Have you ever watched a little kid’s show when you were over 12?
OF COURSE! Blue’s Clues is fricken awesome!
46. Have you ever pretended your crush was with you when they werent?
haha! yes.
47. Did you draw pictures for your first crush back in elementary school?
my first crush was grade 7.
48. Have you ever liked a girl/boy but didnt ask her/him out because you were afraid?
of course! when I like someone, I figure they won’t like me back. like Shay and Matt.
49. Have you ever written a poem or story about your life?
…hasn’t everyone? Wasn’t that an assignment in school one year? didn’t we have to write autobiographies every fricken year?
50. Have you ever spent over an hour thinking about nothing but a certain person?
lol! often :)
51. Have you ever liked someone solely because of their appearance?
lol, everyone has. “OHMIGOD HES CUTE!!11!!one”
and, in fact, Ruby often expresses her attraction to people. Like, multiple times a day, and half of them are girls.
52. Do you eat all the servings in the food groups on a daily basis?
hahaha!
53. Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization?
only about not being sticky.
54. Have you ever been to South America or Africa?
nope, only china
55. Do you know how to knit?
not knit. crochet, though.
56. Do you have a cell phone or iPod with a patterned cover?
no patterned cover…but I have a cell with multiple face plates, and a red Nano.
57. Have you ever written love song lyrics yourself and put them in your profile?
not put them in my profile, but I’ve written lyrics.
58. Do you keep a diary or journal online?
LOL! no. ;)
59. When you open your closet, what is the dominant color?
red, actually.
[[Truly Unusual This or That Questions]]
60. Baskin Robbins or Coldstone?
wtf’s Coldstone??
61. Physics or chemistry?
chem
62. Earphones or headphones?
head
63. pink or teal?
pink. but only because sometimes I’m in that kind of mood.
64. Earrings or a ring?
yuck
65. Commitment or casual dating?
Commitment
66. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings or Star Wars?
LOTR wins by seniority.
67. Fly or road trip?
um…yes.
68. Starbucks?
eggnog latte :D
69. What is your favorite Disney movie?
finding nemo. because the evil of Disney is offset by the inheirent good of Ellen DeGeneres
70. Have you ever bought clothing at Sears?
haha, yes. lots.
epiphany!
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I figured out why it’s so hard for me to figure out who I am when I switch!
1: You don’t go around thinking, “I’m me! XD” Therefore, I simply exist, as whomever I am at the moment, and don’t really think about it.
2: Due to the nature of my brain in the past, everyone was filtered through a wall of sorts, and thus I felt like one individual instead of 8.
PS: I’m switching a lot recently, so here’s a bunch of tangents! huzzah!
I bought an awesome shirt today for 7 bucks! It says “Love takes reality by surprise”
That’s so my life right now…
I went to Denny’s with Brent today. I didn’t want to originally because I’m THE indecisive recently (due to all that pesky switching), but then I decided I did (go fig).
Funny thing…they keep on sitting us beside christians.
Which bothers Abby. She doesn’t like religious people, so she and Brent make fun of them and complain about always being beside christians :D
I was raised religious. I’m not anymore, and it’s because religious people are often hypocrites.
The only non-hypocritical baha’is I’ve ever met weren’t “good” baha’is, or no longer are baha’is.
I include myself there.
I wasn’t a “good” baha’i. But at least I wasn’t a fucking hypocrite.
Monkey went a little crazy in stores today. In the form of a cute hairtie and Hello Kitty chap stick. ^_^
She almost bought just about everything in 7-11…
This switching thing gets a bit crazy…And by a bit, I mean really.
Inconvenient, too…
makes for increased indecisiveness.
One of my exes (JP) is visiting from NWT. I’m going to see him tomorrow, which I would really be looking forward to, if he wasn’t still in love with me 5 fucking years after I broke up with him. >.<
Boys are puppies.
If you don’t believe me…look at them like puppies for just a day. You’ll see.
That’s one thing I took away from my relationship with Shay. I realised near the end that I couldn’t get mad at him for stupid little things he did, because…well, he didn’t mean to do them.
Half the time, he didn’t even remember he’d done them.
Boys do things without thinking simply because they haven’t evolved to think before acting or speaking. And, granted, sometimes girls don’t either…but I do. lol.
Call me sexist, if you like…but then look at it. And hell, if you can find a boy to prove me wrong, you’ll get a cookie.
And I make damn good cookies.
my sex drive has a first name…
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…and it’s Ruby.
Ruby also has no conscience. Her ideas of right and wrong come from the rest of us.
Red, simillarily, has no conscience. She’s really good at lying. She’s the rebel-type.
Abby protects us, and most other girls, and the few boys she likes. She used to hate boys with a vile passion, which two of our former boyfriends fell victim to. Shay was the first boy she ever liked. Miraculously, she also likes Jay and Matt. These days, if Abby doesn’t like a boy, we listen to her.
Alicia was the birth personality. Originally, she was a shell, but at the recent re-split, she was buffed out by Katie and Julia, who no longer exist separately from Alicia.
Monkey is a lot of fun. She’s also cute, happy, and playful.
Wrath is a lot of negative feelings. She’s where our self-loathing goes, and she has our bad dreams.
Electra is a robot. She isn’t in use right now. She’s probably in a closet.
Helen is the “get shit done” personality. When we need to be motivated and focused, she gets on it. With help from Monkey, because she’s not very sociable.
Just so ya know.
huh…
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well, I kind of forgot about this blog for a while…
a LOT has happened since that last post…
Shay and I broke up in August, and I was devastated. I was depressed to begin with, unemployed, and felt completely undesireable. I didn’t want to live anymore. I tried, a few times (and VERY unsuccessfully) to kill myself, and got the hell on medication, which has helped a LOT.
I felt abbandoned. I expected my best friend to be there for me, but she was too scared. I had no one and nothing.
I met Jay in September, online. He, a korean pianist from New Jersey. He was intelligent, caring, and thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world. I told him about my problems outright–my cutting, depression, and (at that point) former multiple personalities–and he loved me because of them, not despite them. I fell into a deep depression in October, and instead of abbandoning me like everyone else already had…he stayed. I offered him a way out, since he’d only known me a month, and he stayed. He helped me through my messy emotions where everyone else had fled.
He visited me for three days in November, we had the most magical weekend imaginable, and he went home. Three days later, he came clean–his name wasn’t jay, but Hugh Sung, and he wasn’t 26, but 38, and married with three children.
I was upset, but I wasn’t angry. I forgave him immediately.
…and split due to the stress.
I tried to break up with him three times, but I couldn’t. He tried once. And despite my having casual sex with someone else, he still loved me.
He visited again in December.
In January, there was a drunken orgy that upset him. I argued that, being technically single (as I was), I had every right to. I fell into a pit of immense depression that my medication couldn’t break through, and accidentally cut myself pretty deep in the week following. I called him, sobbing, and despite his problems with what I’d done, he stuck with me, checked up on me…helped me get through it as best he could, but he was so far away and it wasn’t good enough.
I met Matt the monday after that weekend.
He poked me on facebook, and we started talking. He and I had a lot in common, and he’s an extremely well-rounded individual–into video games, computers, snowboarding, web comics…knows a few phrases in a few languages (including quite a bit of sign language)…We talked online for a few days, and that wednesday he was bored, so I invited him over to play video games.
I was relieved when the strange boy i was inviting into my home turned out to be cute. :D
We ended up talking, eating ice cream, and watching TV instead, and had a lot of fun.
At 3am, I had to go to sleep, so I brought out some extra blankets for him and went to bed.
On Friday, we met up for coffee. I’d been having a really shitty day…but as soon as I saw him, everything seemed better. This was both wonderful and useful–I needed someone who made me feel special, and I knew it.
So I started hitting on him relentlessly. ^_^
On Saturday, he texted me, saying that he had something for me. He came over at about 11 am and gave it to me.
“it” turned out to be a copy of World of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade collectors edition.
It retails for about $90.
So I was surprised.
He said, “It’s yours, or I’m putting it on eBay.”
I said, “OOOOOH IT’S SO PRETTY!!!!!! …you should probably put it on eBay…”
and he told me to keep it ^_^
We spent the rest of the day installing it, and Star Wars Galaxies on my computer. At about 3 or 4, I decided to take a nap, and lulled him to sleep as well so he wouldn’t argue with me :)
At about 7 o’clock, we left my house to go to a basketball game with some friends of his.
After said game, we went to a bar, all got REALLY drunk, and Matt and I got closer to “couple” status as the night went on, eventually ending with making out in the back of the cab on our way to his friend’s house for the night, where we had a LOT of awkward couch sex (in the midst of which he asked if I’d be his girl :D).
In the morning, when he asked what I’d be doing that night, I said, “You.”
So he brought his computer over and played warcraft with me for a few hours before bed :D
And…that’s about where I am now, actually. He’s living with me because I need to keep my apartment anyway, and he would have had to live with his mother (whom he doesn’t get along with), and I figured he would be spending most of his time here anyway…
So thar’s the update. woo!
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