Pandamonium!! (my chaotic life)
chaos incarnate. but, damn is it interesting!Archive for June, 2007
my head hurts from crying now…
i think Orly’s taking a turn at not being cruel…
i have the feeling Raj is looking at me like i’m the last girl on earth. he’s the oldest in his generation–he’s had a lot of pressure to get married in the past.
Though it’s stopped, through his defending himself, i’m sure he still feels it.
he intended to be married by the time he was 26, and that hasn’t happened.
so i think he’s looking at me like i’m the last girl on earth.
…and i’m starting to get used to him. we’re starting to become more compatible…i’m not sure if i’m shaping him–i hope i’m not–but where there were things bothering me before, there aren’t really now.
Another theory is that my brain has calmed down and i’m not subconsciously looking for reasons not to like him :P
I’d still prefer Hugh Sung…and until today, i was equally thinking that i wanted that to change as much as i didn’t.
Today, his wife found one of our emails.
And apparently, while she completely understands, for once (he says he explained EVERYTHING to her), she still loves him and wants to stay with him.
Poor girl.
Now, the terrible, traumatising thing about this all is that she wants us to stop talking to one another.
And while i COMPLETELY understand–i’ve been there with Shay–i’m just not sure i can handle it.
i REALLY don’t think i can handle it.
And i’m not looking forward to trying to explain to Raj why i can’t stop crying :P
He knows a lot more than Matt did…he knows I loved Hugh Sung, that we fought a lot…
He doesn’t know i still have feelings for him.
but you know what? i know i can do the friend thing. especially now that he’s stopped hiding things from her (hopefully forever).
i just can’t lose him…
but…if only she’ll let him stay friends with me…this will potentially simplify things.
everything, in fact.
won’t have to worry about silly boyish outbursts at my wedding, perhaps. won’t have to worry about being conflicted when my relationship with whomever gets serious.
and maybe i can actually put my all into a relationship with someone who seems willing to do the same…
heh.
so, back when I’d just started dating raj…
this person that randomly added me on facebook–who is, coincidentally, probably not the classiest person ever, as his profile picture is of him licking a cake shaped like breasts–”broke up with his girlfriend of three years” (which i’m not entirely sure i believe)
…seemed to start hitting on me (asked me if i wanted to go for coffee, or to the zoo)
…and when i told him i had a boyfriend, he was like, “OH, i’m not asking you out. No, srsly.” (paraphrased, of course) and said he just wanted someone to hang out with because he hardly knows anyone in calgary (he has at least 10 friends listed as calgarians) and he just wanted to get out of their shared house
(she, btw, was BEAUTIFUL. I don’t know what the hell she was doin with him, since he’s rather quite unattractive…in an ogre kind of way…)
Anyway, i told him it would be too awkward, which was mostly true, since i don’t talk much and i didn’t know him at all, and he accepted that.
now…he’s listed as being in a relationship again.
so i removed him from my friends.
heh, that doesn’t really go along with the “I don’t want another relationship, just someone to hang out with” line ;)
and THIS, ladies and gentlemen, is why i like being in a relationship! SO much easier to avoid creepy people!
I had a dream that there was a HUGE butterfly trapped in my house, and Gizmo was “playing” with it, so I was trying to find a box big enough to put it in (seriously, it was feckin huge–bigger than my hand)
And I was dating James Bond. Not the Daniel Craig version, unfortunately, but the Pierce Brosnan version…I prefer the former, simply because he’s so much cooler.
le sigh…
i’m SO TIRED.
i started work monday. it’s hard to get used to again. it’s nice, though–the work is familliar and the people are nice and i consistantly arrive before my boss ;)
Being combined is annoying, and i’m debating splitting again. It’s much easier to deal with thinking, “I like him! I hate him! OOH, bunnies!” when it’s coming from three different people.
besides, having everyone combined seems to have watered down my sex drive. which only makes sense, as Ruby wasn’t the most influential personality of the lot.
