Pandamonium!! (my chaotic life)

this will go through modifications over time. last updated: 10.15.09

1. i’m not cool, and i pride myself on it.
2. i used to have multiple personalities…and not having them is more complicated.
3. i used to cut myself, but i’ve mostly stopped.
4. i don’t like judgemental people.
5. i don’t judge, unless i am judged.
6. …or unless someone is being particularly disgusting or annoying, or can’t control their children.
7. i can be very agressive. not violent, but agressive.
8. i feel justified in reaming out anyone who doesn’t appear to respect me.
9. i pick up other people’s ticks and compulsions.
10. i tend to have strong psychic empathy–in that, someone i know is sad, somewhere in the world, and that makes me sad too.
11. i generally don’t orgasm.
12. i quit my religion mostly because of the people.
13. i often call in sick when i’m not, and go to work when i genuinely am.
14. i only smoke when i’m drunk. i do so a) because it’s fun, and b) because it seems to burn off the alcohol calories i acquire.
15. i can gain up to 5 pounds in a day without trying, but it takes me far longer to lose it.
16. for most of my life, i didn’t notice my weight at all. after that, i wanted to be a skinny stick of a person. not super model skinny–beyond that.
17. i have always been unhappy about at least one aspect of my appearance.
18. i’ve never been opposed to open relationships.
19. i’d rather be certain than happy
20. i have been addicted to three things: food, sex, and cutting.
21. i’ve fought the latter two, and i’m working on the first.
22. i’m mostly too lazy to keep up an addiction. i just don’t bother, after a while, getting the coffee my body’s screaming for, or smoking enough that i need it.
23. i’ve only been really broken hearted three times.
24. one of those times was when my cat got lost for two months.
25. i’m on my sixth sexual partner. four of them, i was dating, and another is a complicated situation.
26. i don’t count the one i’d intended to fuck, but who was too drunk to keep an erection.
27. i also don’t count the girl who ate me out. if i’d been sober enough to reciprocate, i would.
28. i can’t wait to be sober enough to reciprocate.
29. i probably would have been taller, but i began drinking coffee when i was 8 or so.
30. i’ve loved nearly everyone i’ve dated.
31. knowing what i do now, i wouldn’t change much in my relationships.
32. i can bake anything.
33. if i could go back in time, i would try to do better in school, and fail anyway.
34. i’m mostly happy with my life.
35. i love stuffed animals, and own over 50 by now.
36. i’m still smitten when i recieve a new one.
37. i LOVE cheese. you have NO idea.
38. i have clips from Invader Zim in my iPod. They interject between NiN and Coldplay, among other things.
39. as a child, i didn’t like children. as a young adult, i don’t like young adults.
40. i put my left earphone in my right ear, and the right in my left because it’s more comfortable that way.
41. i used to think the only thing i was good for was sex.
42. i, ironically, got over that after people started really wanting me.
43. the things i researched to try to spice up my love life with shay, he didn’t like. everyone else has, though.
44. this, and the fact that i like sex so much, contribute to my being good in bed.
45. i’ve lived in china, and as a result, i have an unfair view of chinese people.
46. i don’t want to die alone, and that’s probably why i’ll end up having kids.
47. well, if my husband turns out to be a different race than me, that’ll help too.
48. i don’t think i’d be a controlling mother. just a regulating one.
49. i want to adopt little girls from china.
50. i have little patience for annoying or stupid people.
51. i’m not allergic to anything, but i’m a canary. pesticides, bad food, green potatoes…i’m always the first to know when something’s bad for ya.
52. having multiple personalities taught me to stand up for myself. abby’s job was to look out for us like we were separate people–now that we’re not anymore, that still remains.
53. i think i would likely risk my life for someone i cared for.
54. i think if i didn’t, i would hate myself for it.
55. i don’t like loud music. but i still use it to drown out stupid people.
56. i don’t like the music i liked in high school, and that’s probably more to do with high school than the music.
57. i think it’s funny as hell when i get really sick. i laugh about it while people are like, “uh…go to a doctor tiem nao plees?”
58. i’m bad about paying people back. i really hate that.
59. i’m also bad about picking people who deserve my generosity. i don’t hate that nearly as much, though.
60. i’m pretty good at making 3D things without much prior experience.
61. i would be a mad scientist if i were good at math.
62. i always have two people to choose between when i enter a relationship.
63. i’m happy with my decision in every case.
64. i like techno, classical, and rock.
65. i cannot abide stupid lyrics. Thus, i do not like brian adams.
66. i’m somebody’s perfect girl, and i’ve known that for a long time.
67. i am of the opinion that the only chick flicks worth watching are the british ones. shakespeare counts in this.
68. i LOVE lego starwars. but the “original trilogy” version is better.
69. i think i could be comfortable in a polygamous relationship.
70. …with the concession that i was allowed to fuck my husband’s other wives. (would they be my wives too?)
71. i joke about how Orlando Bloom is god…but sometimes i believe it, too.
72. barring that, Google is god.
73. i don’t react well to people i like hurting me physically. but if i were having a physical brawl with someone, i think there’s a good chance i could hurt them much more than they could me because i wouldn’t care and they would.
74. i LOVE popcorn. you have NO idea!
75. i can be a world of patient and supportive, as long as i recieve it in return.
76. i don’t take unsolicited advice well. i try not to give it, either.
77. i often quote cat macros.
78. i accidentally lie when i don’t know the answer, usually about what i’m thinking or why i’m doing something. but i try to set the record straight once i know what’s going on.
79. due to ssri’s, i don’t much care what anyone thinks anymore.
80. i was SO fricken good in high school. people who knew me then get kind of weirded out by the fact that i drink/have sex/do drugs sometimes.
81. my mother still didn’t think i was good. look at me now! HA!
82. i used to get a pumpkin spice latte every day.
83. i have never had a “song” with anyone but the fricken married guy.
84. i love lacrosse ‘cuz it’s violent :D
85. i am not only attracted to people with issues, i attract them, too.
86. i believe in love, despite the failing instances i’ve been involved in.
87. i justified buying an iPod because it was the (product)red version, and, like, 10 bucks was going to fight aids in africa.
88. when i feel intimidated, i lash out.
89. the only reason i didn’t kill myself a few years ago is because i didn’t know what would happen to my cat if i did.
90. i use punctuation funny, and it confuses people sometimes. but i maintain that it’s perfectly valid!
91. i seem to like sad/dispondant/negative/angry songs best, regardless of my mood.
92. i want to move so i’m far away from everyone that’s abbandoned me. i want to be able to go to con without worrying about running into ziggy or shay or matt.
93. i make some damn impressive things in CSS.
94. i don’t really like pot. it makes me dumb without taking away the realisation that i was smart earlier.
95. i do, however, LOVE being drunk.
96. you have NO IDEA.
97. i hate hypocrites.
98. i often wear bright colours, but my favourite is grey.
99. i spell it with an “e”, because i think it looks clumsy with an “a”.
100. i’m more complex than most people have the patience to deal with.