I think not dating boys is the best decision I’ve ever made, if only because now I can get to know them as friends rather than just as someone who wants in my pants.

Sure, some of them still want in my pants, but the ones who’s main goal is that, generally get impatient and fade away.

Norman (an awesome gay boy I work with) said we should pick a day to go to the gay bar, and I’m really looking forward to it.

Fact of the matter, is girls are hard to find online. I’m kind of reticient, since the fact that I haven’t found them online may mean we have little in common, since I live on my computer, but it’s not like i’m looking for my soulmate here, after all. I just want to date girls! And, traditionally, girls are hard to find online. So, gay bar!

He’s the only person at work I told about Taz–initially, because he had suggested going to gay bars and I had figured that he had picked up on my not-quite-straightness (the whole world has better gaydar than I do, it’s really inconvenient).

Anyway, I’m really looking forward to it. I think it’ll be fun :)

Taz’s boyfriend thing reactivated his OKC profile against her express wishes.

Apparently he intends to disable it again once it lets him…but the fact that he reactivated in the first place doesn’t really seem like a good sign.

She’s apparently told him that she doesn’t want him to be with anyone else.  She’s not making him break up with his cross-country girlfriend, but she doesn’t want him to find new people to date.

Which is all completely fair, if you ask me.  I’ve always been kind of all-or-nothing.  You either want to be with me, or ya don’t, would be my stance in this kind of situation.

I mean, c’mon.  Doesn’t she deserve not to have to deal with this shit?  She has enough already.

Bah.

I can’t see why she deals with it.

Like…I can see, since she loves him and all…but I can’t justify.  Shouldn’t there have been a spark of realization by now?

Shouldn’t she have gotten fed up?!

I can only hope she does.  Or that he breaks up with her so that she can find someone who’s better for her.

In other news, Nick and I have half-baked plans of driving all around the US and Canada for fun.

And, I am le tired.  G’night!

Hardwire – Metric

He totally wants me.

I may be wrong, but it’s not often I’m wrong about this.

Now, the question is, is it because he hasn’t read this, or despite?

And in the case of the latter, is it because he thinks he can handle me, or because he can’t help himself?

Yesterday was good.

I went into Calgary and hung out with Nick.

We went for sushi.  I tried jellyfish, which was actually excellent, if a bit crunchy.  I kind of liked that quality of it though.  Then we wandered around Kensington and drank coffee and played Little Big Planet eventually, which I was really bad at…but it was fun  :D

Someone I went to school with, and who I worked with at my first Starbucks, has a shop downtown.  All the stuff is handmade by people, so I bought my mother a birthday gift that doesn’t count toward my Stuff-Count!

I’m thinking of trying to pick up some temp work to pad my income.  I like Starbucks’ benefits, but not their wage.  There’s so much I want to do–it’s gonna be hard on 9 bucks an hour.

I realized that I accidentally linked Nick to my blog the other day, while showing him my chickadee picture…

Part of me dreads the thought that he probably figured out the location of my blog from there…and another part hopes that he reads the whole thing, and never tells me that he knows of it’s existence.

He seems interested in me.  If that’s the case, it’d be good for him to be forewarned.

I mean, I’ve improved significantly, I think…but the crazy I’m capable of is documented here.  There’s no guarantee that I won’t revert.

It’s good for one to know what they’re getting into.  But it’s also good for me not to know who reads my blog so that I can be candid.

I think I’m going to try not to buy stuff new anymore.

I have other options.  Ebay, Etsy…I don’t need to buy new.  And buying stuff online is easier anyway.

The inspiration for this is the following:

Like…I’ll admit, I like stuff.  But I’m not fashionable, and I don’t throw much out.  Liking stuff doesn’t necessarily mean I need to contribute to the production of it.

I’ve been stuck inside for a week.

Last Monday, I woke up without a voice and my mother said she thought I was in the contagious stage of H1N1.  After telling my manager at work, I walked two blocks to the clinic and they agreed.

Or at least, they didn’t disagree, and that’s been enough for me to have an impromptu vacation.

I felt crappy for a few days, but now I think the crappy I’m feeling is directly correlating to the amount of time it’s been since I’ve seen the sun.

For the first five days, I mostly slept and watched House non-stop.  And when I ran out of episodes, I found bloopers.  I’m finding myself a little obsessed.

Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, I played Warcraft.  I raided for the first time in months, and it went really well.  I also got two upgrades that bolstered my DPS considerably–I was in second place, up from probably fifth, when we fought Onyxia on Monday evening.

I like raiding with my old guild a lot more than I liked raiding with Raj’s.  They were really hardcore–they took it all very seriously.  Which is ok…it just doesn’t work for me.  Warcraft is still a game to me.  It’s not SRS BIZNESS.  I can’t raid five nights a week, and I have no desire to–not even just to see content.  Not if it means people are going to shout at one another.

My guild on Gorgonnash was my first guild.  It was founded by a friend from high school.  The main point in our raiding is to have fun, and even if things go wrong, it’s more likely that the comments will be calm than when I was raiding on Perenolde.

We laugh all the time!  It’s so much fun!

In other news, I feel trapped and it’s piquing my wanderlust.

It’s also encouraging my agoraphobia and my antisocial tendencies, and it’s making my depression worse.  (like I said, lack of sun)

I’m ashamed to say I may be getting sick of whatever this thing between Taz and I is.  She’s still great, but I think we have a hard time trying to show one another we’re interested, and it doesn’t help that we’re not in the same town.  But, at the same time that technically I know that she’s attracted to me, she doesn’t really ask how I am, and rarely initiates conversations.  It’s kind of weird, because her boyfriend seems to pay a lot more attention to me than she does…which I take to be due to the fact that she’s probably giving him all of her attention, but still, don’t ya usually ask people you care about how they are?  Especially if they’ve supposedly contracted deadly viruses?

I dunno, I guess I’m a little impatient with these things lately.  I’m not as interested in sticking around in a situation that’s less than ideal.  Maybe that’ll leave me disappointed in the end, as I’ve always feared it would, but I honestly don’t care anymore.  It’s either be disappointed now, or later.  What’s the difference?  I’m in no hurry–I’m not even 100% sure I want kids, so I don’t have a clock ticking.

I think a lot of why I like guys is because they pay attention to me.  There’s nothing like being a girl who plays video games to get a guy interested in you.  I can see, in myself, that ideally, I would want someone who was desperate to be with me.  Maybe that has something to do with my being bat-shit crazy (at least until quite recently).  If someone thinks I’m cool enough, they’ll stick around through a few of my crazier moments, anyway.

The cooler they think I am, the more moments they’ll stick around through.

Now, the only problem is, I’m not sure girls can think I’m that cool.  Simply because geeky girls are hard to find–what’s the chance I’ll find one?  I am one.  I’m already beating the odds.

I find myself wondering how it would end if Nick and I dated.

I can’t imagine.  But the trend is pointing towards “badly”.

I went to see Metric yesterday in my Max hoodie!

I attached ears to it and put a bunny stuffy in the pocket, and I was a kangaroo  :D

It was a good show!  I couldn’t handle the mosh pit though, it was more hardcore than the one at Chris Cornell, so I didn’t get too close.  But, I got close enough!

Emily Haines isn’t as flat as in real life as she looks in music videos.  Either that, or she padded quite creatively, because she was wearing a shirt that didn’t really have a back.  Cuz she definitely looked like a small B, at least.

Also, why stuff on stage, but not for music videos?!

Anyway, we got to wear costumes at work today, too.  I’m so surprised I didn’t spill all over myself!

Monster Hospital – Metric

I have problems with negative, judgmental people.

There’s this guy I know who’s always knocking people.  Like, not everyday, ordinary people.  We’re talking Bono and the Dalai Lama.

Like, I get it–no one’s perfect.  I really do.  But seriously, what has this guy done to benefit the world?  Nothing.  He gets together with his cute little cynical friends once a week and bitches about stuff like this and feels he’s entitled to be an asshole.

And I’m like, really?  Seriously?

All else aside…these people think they’re doing something good.  You can’t be the Dalai Lama and only be out for yourself.  Dude’s been away from home for how many years now?

50.  I counted.

Anyway, if he were out for himself, he would have gone back.  He would have been like, “No, y’all were right, sorry, I can has a home country again?”

He thinks he’s doing right by his people, and a lot of them agree.

Bono’s trying to do good things, too.

What gives the people sitting around in front of their TV the right to criticize these people?

Go out and change the world some.  Then maybe I’ll have a bit more respect for you when you hand out flack.