Pandamonium!! (my chaotic life)

Well, I may be back…

Raj and I broke up at the end of June, and I’m surprisingly fine.  I may be completely over him already…

It’s funny how Shay and Jay hurt me so badly, and everyone else is just kind of “meh”.

…I talk to Jay again, sometimes, now.  I realised a few months back that he couldn’t have faked the kind of care he showed me when I called him with that enormous cut on my arm.  And then he apologized, so I completely forgave him.  I’m still not sure how much to trust him, but at least we can talk.  And at least I don’t feel the need to googlebomb him anymore…even though that was kind of fun at the time.  :)

But yes, it turns out that the terrible thing I remember from this relationship (referenced in Time and Other News), is that Raj was abusive.  Often verbally, rarely physically.

I shouldn’t have to deal with that shit.  I don’t deserve it.

I’m chasing girls now.  :)

There’s one I really like.  I call her Taz, but not to her…at least yet.  I figure I should use the name she gave me until I know her a bit better.  But anyway, this girl is SO HOT.  She’s skinny and blondish and my heart races every time I see her!  But she’s still hung up on an ex.  However, I feel like I can deal with that for the moment.

She and he had been dating for, like, seven years.  He’s going to take some getting over.

Sometimes I meet a person whose life parallels mine in so many ways that it’s almost scary.

Taz is depressed.  I’m not sure if she’s still medicated for it, but she once was, and it’s nice to have someone who knows what you mean when you talk about it as a disease.

And her ex is abusive.   I think the scale of it is greater than what I’ve experienced with Raj.  He just basically seems like he has a bad temper, and a vindictive streak.  He also has a girlfriend, and is kind of keeping her on the side as far as I can tell.

He’s still listed on the website where he found this girlfriend, as single.

So yeah, basically total douchebag.

He’s changed, according to her.  There’s no reason for me not to believe it.

There’s also a girl I knew in high school who’s found me (on this website as well, this is where I’m finding all these people…).  She’s just broken up with a boyfriend of over 5 years, and seems to be interested in fooling around.

So it’s not looking like I have any relationship fodder, which is kind of nice for once!  Though if I’d been open to hetero relationships at the moment, I could have already had ten.

Everyone loves a geeky girl.

I find myself more self conscious, though, because these girls are both WAY hotter than me, in my estimation.   Guys, I don’t worry about.  They’re usually somewhat less attractive than me anyway, and I’m a pretty good girlfriend all around, so they have nothing to complain about.

But girls are friggin hot!  And I feel like, in both these instances, I’m deffinitely the less hot part of the equation.

I’m sure I’ll find that it’s the same way between guys and girls as between girls and girls.  Everyone has different types.  I may not be really skinny, but I have boobs to make up for it, and I’m certainly nowhere near overweight.

In other news, I’m living with my mother again.  Probably a half a year or so ago, I started talking to her again, and our relationship is better now.

So it’s not too bad.  I feel like my freedom is somewhat stinted, and I feel like I need a car so I can actually see people, but other than that, Okotoks is ok.

Also, I travelled to Victoria and Seattle in early June, which was basically just amazing.  I saw a psychic while there, who said I should persue Deepak Chopra type stuff as a career; that it would allow me to travel and make money.  She also told me Raj wasn’t the one, that I would have four relationships leading up to “the one”, and that I shouldn’t eat starches as much as I do.

Anyway, whatever you might think of psychics, she was spot on with a lot of things, and the other things made sense.  I’m taking it with a grain of salt, of course, but there’s no reason not to follow her advice and see where it gets me.